ParentsFighting0323In Parenting from the Inside Out and The Developing Mind ,  Daniel J. Siegel, M.D.  teaches the importance for a parent to “make repair” when he/she has “lost it” (i.e. “lost your mind” by reacting from the “low road” brain functions, rather than the “high road” brain function of the medial prefrontal cortex).

He teaches that it isn’t “losing it” which creates problems for the child, it is not “making repair” after “losing it” that is crazy- making for a child.  Everyone “loses it” from time to time (o.k. “everyone” except maybe those few “enlightened beings” some religions and spiritual teachings tell us exist).

If you yelled (or raged) at your child, that is scary and troubling for the child, but if, when you regain your composure and can again “reason” from your prefrontal cortex (rather than react from your limbic brain), you go back to your child and apologize — explain that you “lost it” and that your “losing it” was not the child’s fault . . . maybe even explaining about the lower, more automatic, parts of the brain (Dan Siegel used to tell his kids “I’m sorry.  It was my amygdala!”).

Many of us had parents who didn’t do any kind of “repair” or “amends”, and even if they are still alive, it is not likely that many of them could be encouraged to “make repairs” or “make amends” for the times they “lost it” when you were a child.   The “set-up” for the book will be the research about dysfunctional “family patterns” repeating generation after generation and the research on “unresolved trauma” as being the biggest predictor of “Unresolved” in one’s “attachment bond style.”

Dan Siegel will, of course, be interviewed.  Probably also interview Jude Cassidy regarding her research about the more one is able to talk about the pain of the past, the more functional, secure, healthy, one is.  Will research ways for “resolving” and “repairing” trauma, and any studies supporting their effectiveness.